Not making this up, not a “news” item from The Onion or The Daily News. It’s in the Washington Post, not known for its whacky sense of humor.
Osama bin Laden wants us to be kind to Mother Earth. Yes, that Osama bin Laden. His prescription, apparently: Do a tree a favor, fly a fuel-laden jetliner into a skyscraper.
Your favorite terror group, al Qaida, has released an audiotape claiming to be of Osama bin Laden, speaking from an undisclosed location (Osama bin Spelunkin’?) thought to be somewhere in Afghanistan or Pakistan, in which he declared jihad (well, he might not have actually said “jihad”) on global warming.
Here’s a brief excerpt from the A&P:
“In the tape, broadcast in part on Al-Jazeera television, bin Laden warned of the dangers of climate change and says that the way to stop it is to bring ‘the wheels of the American economy’ to a halt.
“He blamed Western industrialized nations for hunger, desertification and floods across the globe, and called for ‘drastic solutions’ to global warming, and ‘not solutions that partially reduce the effect of climate change.’
“Bin Laden has mentioned climate change and global warning in past messages, but the latest tape was his first dedicated to the topic. The speech, which included almost no religious rhetoric, could be an attempt by the terror leader to give his message an appeal beyond Islamic militants.”
He wants folks around the world to stop by Coca-Cola and Chevrolet. Well, that Chevy part was pretty well taken care of until Toyota’s gas pedals started getting stuck in “GO.” Think GM and Ford (and Little Chrysler too!) aren’t rubbing their hands in glee?
Ahem, back to Osama bin Laden.
Why isn’t he dead yet? Oh, yes, I remember.
Osama = the ball. Saddam Hussein = mosquito. We went for the mosquito. Dropped the ball.
Terrorist. Environmentalist. And now economist (also from AP):
“ ‘We should stop dealings with the dollar and get rid of it as soon as possible,’ he said. ‘I know that this has great consequences and grave ramifications, but it is the only means to liberate humanity from slavery and dependence on America.’ ”
Hey, Osama, Wharton has a global economics chair waiting for you. Really. No catch. They may even name a new building after you.
Maybe Osama is even smarter than we give him credit for. Is he trying to sucker the liberal tree huggers of the world into agreeing with him, and giving the righties even more ammunition in their never-ending battle over who’s righter-er?
Is Osama bin Bombin counting on reactionaries on both sides to be too stupid to know when they’re being played like cheap bongos for his entertainment?
Here’s the worrisome part. He probably can count on ’em.