To the rescue

This might not sit well with pro-Obama, pro-health-care-reform campers, but the newspaper reference is too good to pass up …

Click on this fabulous cartoon for more Ted Rall brilliance.

Yes, you underinformed peoples, get thee a newspaper STAT!  What’s that? There’s no news in the newspaper? GAAAHHHHHHH!  We’re too laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate!

March Madness enablers

Yes, the NCAA is conspiring to help you loaf at work.

Not only is the NCAA working with CBS and a bevy of sponsors with deep pockets to give us access to live streaming video of the NCAA basketball tournament, they’re helping work on a cover …

See that “BOSS BUTTON” in the upper right portion of the image above? Click on that and here’s what you get:

This flow chart brought to you by Scott Adams, the evil genius behind "Dilbert."

Yes, it’s a suspiciously fake-looking flow chart accompanied by a “Dilbert” cartoon featuring the ever-enterprising Wally proposing a new dimension in laziness.

Where can you find such a magical place?

I’ll tell you:

http://www.ncaa.com/

http://mmod.ncaa.com/video/std?vid=17402760&tc=572328&ts=1269051390&t=0be57078c1ab3279010cdf8f2e82e15e&w=90

Best of all, it’s perfectly legal and copyright-approved, yada-yada, as long as your boss doesn’t catch you watching Gonzaga when you’re supposed to be crunching second-quarter forecasts.

Henry redux

Henry suns himself on March 11.

And now for your squirrel-watching pleasure, an update on Henry the tailless squirrel.
Henry has survived the snowiest February on record here in Northeast Ohio. In fact, the tough little rodent seems to be doing pretty well.

You might be able to spot what appears to be a fuzzy stump growing out of Henry’s rear end. Yup, it’s a fuzzy little stump. I’ll look for a photo from a coupla months ago for a better look …

Ah, here we go.

Henry in January

Henry in harder times

Faithful followers of the Tale of Henry the Tailless Squirrel might remember that we discovered him (by “discovered,” I mean “saw” the squirrel one day hopping around our yard) about a year ago and wondered, “I wonder how long this guy’s gonna last.” Empirical data suggest that he will survive at least one year without a tail.

And our fastidiously maintained records confirm that, indeed, we discovered Henry a little less than a year ago.

This might strike you as a silly endeavor. After all, the troubles of one tail-deprived squirrel won’t amount to a hill of beans, but …

You’re right, it’s just stupid. Nevermind.

Henry in the spring of ’09.

From the AkronDave archives, April 2009.

NOW they tell us!

The American Cancer Society has changed its stance on another cancer screening policy, and this time it involves the boys.

This will sting just a bit ...

Turns out that the digital exam — or the scope, or the PSA test — might not be such a great thing after all.

That’s right, men. That “Guaranteed uncomfortable” feeling might be completely, utterly unnecessary.

Now they tell us.

So what gives? Has medicine turned a kinder, gentler cheek (ooh, bad reference) toward dealing with prostate cancer? Have docs been complaining they didn’t get into medicine to crawl up people’s a**holes?

Well, it turns out none of those tests is particularly reliable. False positives. False negatives. In other words, it looks like cancer but isn’t. Or “no cancer here,” except there is.

 One mistake causes unnecessary worry, pain, money woes and aggravation; the other could leave you unexpectedly dead.

So the Cancer Society is saying what they shoulda said all along: The decision to test or not to test is best left up to the individual patient. This assumes that the patient makes an informed decision. And if you remember what assume does — makes an “ass” of “u” and “me” — that’s expecting a lot of the average patient.

Folks have seen a couple of episodes of ER or Grey’s Anatomy or (God help us!) House and think they’re informed.

Speaking of House, here’s a classic moment: