Royal pains

The results are in!

A whopping 27 of you (um, counting seven votes of my own) participated in this worldwide survey among the Who’s Who of media savvy royal watchers and shared their plans for watching the royal wedding between William, prince of Wales, and Kate Middleton, a commoner of common origins.

The most popular response to our All-Encompassing Survey was “other.” The breakdown is as follows:


What are your plans for the Royal Wedding?

Answer Votes
Other (see below)
 7  27%
Whah? Who’s getting married?
 6  23%
Kate has a restraining order against me, or I’d be there.
 4  15%
Will be up in my jammies watching.
 3  12%
Dude, that’s what videorecorders are for.
 3  12%
Hosting Royal Wedding Party.
 2  8%
Have my invitation, booked first-class flight.
 1  4%

The responses found under “Other” include:


who gives a flying f–k?

my preference involves rusty spoons and anal surgery

no and hell no

I’d rather run a red-hot poker into my eye and then use it to cauterize my wound

We had a revolution precisely so we wouldn’t have to watch this sort of thing

I. Just. Don’t. Care.

Well. I guess that settles that. For those of you in the “Whah? Who’s getting married?” camp, here’s a photo of the happy couple before the paparazzi, parasites and hangers-on wear them down.

Here's hoping Kate has a happier-ever-after ending than Diana.


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